


memories of you

by v1ewmonster



Series: claustober 2020 [1]
Category: Mother 3
Genre: Claustober (Mother 3), Gen, Headcanon, Nightmares, No Dialogue, Nonbinary Character, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prompt Fic, Recovery, Repressed Memories, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26800129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v1ewmonster/pseuds/v1ewmonster
Summary: In which Claus takes a trip down memory lane in the midst of recovery.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: claustober 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954516
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	memories of you

There’s always something that lingers in the back of Claus’ mind whenever he thinks of what’s left from the past: The masked man; their other self, the shard that has since left him. But it continues to stick around in the mesh that is their mind. 

They’re no longer that unfeeling person, but traces of said person appear to make itself known. His red eye, that rusty prosthetic arm with some built in aching memories, the looks on the villagers’ face when they notice these aspects of him. It  _ hurts _ _,_ to look in the mirror and see a  _ monster  _ looking back. He hasn’t been able to accept this since he’s been revived. He wishes he were dead, given up the ghost like he was supposed to… but reality isn’t so simple. 

It’s hard to rack their brain for this sort of information; even fresh memories are hard to navigate. Lucas told him several times that it’s trauma’s way of being kind to him. But when the memories  _ do  _ come up, it’s hard to believe. Hard to believe that  _ he  _ of all people would hurt the ones they’re close to. That they would allow themself to be  _ toyed around  _ like that. But in the end, it was never his choice to become this way. Though it’s their responsibility to bear. No matter what punishment Porky faced back there, it doesn’t come  _ close _ to Claus becoming enforced to embrace the features that were forced onto him. 

Sometimes these thoughts keep them up at night. Claus imagines his other self, with its metallic helmet and deadpan stare, watching over them like a hawk flying through the sky. It  _ scares  _ them with how real these hallucinations become, but there’s nothing he can really do about it. This person (can it even be considered a person?), stuck in the past or not, is still a part of him. That never changes. 

Lucas tries their best to help him. With every nightmare or panic attack, comes Lucas trying to comfort them. It’s a grueling process, but Claus finds himself coming to terms with these problems thanks to him. It’s…  _ amazing  _ how one can change in three years, but Claus finds himself receding nevertheless. He doesn’t want to admit it, but they’re grateful for Lucas’ help. Because without him, he would never accept himself. He still can’t, after all he goes through in everyday life, but the pain stings less the more Lucas helps him work things out. 

The sensation of death is the realest thing he’s felt in a long time. It  _ throbs  _ like a stab wound, and stays with him like a harsh breakup. It’s something nobody else is able to relate to, something he carries alone. Lucas has explained how they’ve experienced something similar but… it’s not the same, Claus knows it. 

Regardless, Claus always has someone to talk to when they need it. Lighter is always willing to lend an ear, as would Fuel or Nana. It’s astonishing how people are tolerative of his existence when a monster has taken control of their body. It’s not always apparent, but… ah, it’s not like he can explain it to them. 

With each day that passes by, the memories  _ sting.  _ Even exchanging a glance at the Dragos gives him a sharp sense of dread. Yet time is a fickle thing that heals all wounds, and though the thoughts pain them now, he can see the road to recovery plain in sight. They have a support system now who are always able to help them whenever they need it. 

It’s hard to admit, but these memories have shaped Claus to who he is today. Without them, they’ll be wandering around without a sense of guidance. It hasn’t killed his spirit. These experiences have only made them stronger. His boisterous demeanor has since left him, but so has the emptiness that came after it. 

Life goes on. The clouds steadily twirl in the sky. Denizens in the village laugh and play; shit gets done. 

Maybe it's their turn to move on too. 


End file.
